It's a promise ring, it's from Paul and it's the best thing I've ever worn.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
So how do you know....
...when you've met the one. I have seen those sappy movies where the woman goes out meets someone comes back and says "I met the man I am going to marry." and of course in the sappy movies they always do. And I having met Paul (again) have been giving it some thought about him and past relationships. I do recall saying about another boy that he "could" be the one or "I think he's the one." to someone. But how do you really know?
Do you pick the man who takes you good and bad? I mean don't most people who are your friends take you good or bad. Why don't we marry our friends. How do you know he's the one. Because he calls when he says he will, because he's the person you think about most, because he shares the same goals you do...seriously when do you know.
Many of my married friends say "You just know." but do you, do you really? And if the marriage ends in, God forbid, divorce do you then start expressing doubts you had.
What do I know you ask? I know I miss him when he's not around; I know when I get an e-mail with his name attached or the phone rings and it's him I smile even before I open the e-mail or answer the phone. He could read to me from the phone book and I would still think it was a great conversation (and yes once when we were 16 he did just that - can't even remember the context but it makes me smile). I know that I haven't even met his kids and I already think they are two of the most special people I will ever meet. I have talked to both and they are smart and funny and really great kids. And I know that when he walked off the plane my heart skipped a beat - I saw him and it was as if no time had passed and he was the same boy I fell in love with at 16.
But this could be true for a lot of other men too (except for the in love with at 16 bit). Could I potentially meet someone else who could eventually make me feel the same way. The romantic part of my says no, he's your other half, the piece of you that's missing but the intellectual part says - really Paula don't be ridiculous you are a whole person whether you are with someone or not, and at 37 the intellectual part of me knows that's the truth. As a human being we crave company (which is why solitary confinement is a truly horrific punishment) but we get that from friends, co-workers, random everyday people so why is the romantic kind required - it's not, people go through their lives never having knowing what it means to love someone or be loved in return. Divorced people may never marry or date again.
So how do you know. All I know is that he is the one and I can't imagine being apart from him again.
Lastly I recall once when I was 16 and we were lying on his bed I thought to myself "this is the man that I am going to marry" So I guess you do just know even if you have to wait 22 years later.
Do you pick the man who takes you good and bad? I mean don't most people who are your friends take you good or bad. Why don't we marry our friends. How do you know he's the one. Because he calls when he says he will, because he's the person you think about most, because he shares the same goals you do...seriously when do you know.
Many of my married friends say "You just know." but do you, do you really? And if the marriage ends in, God forbid, divorce do you then start expressing doubts you had.
What do I know you ask? I know I miss him when he's not around; I know when I get an e-mail with his name attached or the phone rings and it's him I smile even before I open the e-mail or answer the phone. He could read to me from the phone book and I would still think it was a great conversation (and yes once when we were 16 he did just that - can't even remember the context but it makes me smile). I know that I haven't even met his kids and I already think they are two of the most special people I will ever meet. I have talked to both and they are smart and funny and really great kids. And I know that when he walked off the plane my heart skipped a beat - I saw him and it was as if no time had passed and he was the same boy I fell in love with at 16.
But this could be true for a lot of other men too (except for the in love with at 16 bit). Could I potentially meet someone else who could eventually make me feel the same way. The romantic part of my says no, he's your other half, the piece of you that's missing but the intellectual part says - really Paula don't be ridiculous you are a whole person whether you are with someone or not, and at 37 the intellectual part of me knows that's the truth. As a human being we crave company (which is why solitary confinement is a truly horrific punishment) but we get that from friends, co-workers, random everyday people so why is the romantic kind required - it's not, people go through their lives never having knowing what it means to love someone or be loved in return. Divorced people may never marry or date again.
So how do you know. All I know is that he is the one and I can't imagine being apart from him again.
Lastly I recall once when I was 16 and we were lying on his bed I thought to myself "this is the man that I am going to marry" So I guess you do just know even if you have to wait 22 years later.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Take two
I met a fella when I was 16 and he was many firsts for me.
- I said "I love you" to someone who wasn't my family.
- I heard "I love you" from someone who wasn't my family.
- I cried in someone's arms who I knew loved me and would protect me and never ever hurt me.
- I was intimate in a way that is so special it is never ever forgotten.
- I had my driver's license and we drove everywhere together.
- I realized that some times you meet someone who is perfect for you in every way and completes you.
- I realized that sometimes ending a relationship is the hardest thing to do but at the time it's the right thing.
I moved to Ontario, he stayed in New Brunswick. I had serious relationships that were just that, he married and had two beautiful children.
Recently I ended a serious relationship. He and his wife decided to divorce. About 2 months ago he contacted me (thank you Facebook) and the 22 year gap seemed to vanish in the blink of an eye. We started talking as friends and somewhere in those talks we realized we still had feelings for one another and they grew deeply and quickly.
He spent the last week here and it truly was one of the best weeks of my life - I truly believe that this time, this second chance, is a rare chance that not everyone gets is one that I will grab onto and hold onto tightly.
Oh and one last thing.....his name is Paul.
- I said "I love you" to someone who wasn't my family.
- I heard "I love you" from someone who wasn't my family.
- I cried in someone's arms who I knew loved me and would protect me and never ever hurt me.
- I was intimate in a way that is so special it is never ever forgotten.
- I had my driver's license and we drove everywhere together.
- I realized that some times you meet someone who is perfect for you in every way and completes you.
- I realized that sometimes ending a relationship is the hardest thing to do but at the time it's the right thing.
I moved to Ontario, he stayed in New Brunswick. I had serious relationships that were just that, he married and had two beautiful children.
Recently I ended a serious relationship. He and his wife decided to divorce. About 2 months ago he contacted me (thank you Facebook) and the 22 year gap seemed to vanish in the blink of an eye. We started talking as friends and somewhere in those talks we realized we still had feelings for one another and they grew deeply and quickly.
He spent the last week here and it truly was one of the best weeks of my life - I truly believe that this time, this second chance, is a rare chance that not everyone gets is one that I will grab onto and hold onto tightly.
Oh and one last thing.....his name is Paul.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Take that 30 minutes!!
So today I upped my run up to 30 minutes. OMG I thought I was going to die - 10 minutes sure doesn't sound like a lot but it certainly is. I actually enjoy the 20 minutes and plan on doing the 30 minutes until I enjoy it and then up it again. I hope to have it upped again in two weeks. Uggh my abs hurt, my legs hurt and my arms if you can believe that. Too tired to write more.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Running - the saga
So I didn't run last night because of time restraints but went out again tonight - a lot of people ask me about the weather but I read on a runner's blog that unless is was -20 (no you read that right) MINUS 20 running outside would be okay. After layering up and checking the weather network (-8 with the windchill feels like -13) I decided to go anyway. Now I can see why they say -20 because after about 30 seconds to one minute it's not cold anymore - the lung burning goes away and I'm off flying through my fatigue, feeling the days stress fall away. It was awesome.
I actually timed myself today and realized that I only run 20 minutes - disappointing but again I'm starting after not doing it for a long time. Monday I plan on increasing it to 30 minutes up the time by 10 minutes every week or two until I make it up to an hour long run.
In high school track was one of my favorite things to do and Iwould run for 1-2 hours a night after school - I wonder why I've stopped - actually I know why - things got more important -running in now something I plan on making a priority.
I have dinner plan with Jeremy tomorrow night however I plan on going for run fiome first. Boys can wait it's time I come first.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Every journey begins with a single step
Let's face it: I hate running. I would rather sit on my rapidly expanding ass than don my sneakers and head outside with nothing more than a bottle of water and my ipod. Let's be honest - it's too cold to run in the winter, too hot in the summer, too muddy in the spring and in the fall there are leaves anywhere. Running partners (by which I mean Joe) are no good because they are much faster and fitter which leaves me feeling bad about my ability and I am sure leaves them bored. Running is bad for your knees, the burning in your lungs and inevitable stitch in your side are no picnic either. And don't even get me started on those commercials with all the pretty, thin people praising the virtues of running which become about a shoe - they don't inspire me; they piss me off. Which begs the question why have I brushed off my sneakers; pulled out my running gear and started again because let's face it: I love running. I love the freedom it gives me - putting one foot in front of the other for no other destination than ahead. I love the way it clears my head, listening only to my steady breathing, the pounding of my feet on the pavement and my ipod belting out my various "running" playlists. I love the cold, crisp winter air, the hot summer sun belting down on my exposed skin, the newness of spring and the dazzling colours of the fall. I love the sense of accomplishment I feel after a run.
My life of late hasn't been fun - I am single which means I am dating again bringing on an array of emotions. I'll admit it - I hate it; I love the security of a relationship and because you never know when the next one is going to come along you just have to get out there a do it. There are boys but no one seems to fit the bill perfectly - so I've taken it upon myself to start a relationship with running - a love/hate relationship you might say. And who knows maybe I'll meet a cute boy while running and he'll wait up for me
Thursday, October 29, 2009
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