Monday, September 19, 2011

Come out come out wherever you are

I should really say whenever not wherever since I know exactly where he is. So here it is 6:28 a.m. on September 19, 2011. My boy is officially two days late and the wait is sending all my "control" issues into all sorts of frenzyesques. Anyone who knows me, knows I am all about a schedule, lists and knowing what is going to happen from one moment to the next. This last month, hell who am I kidding, this last year has thrown everything into a blender and hit mix on high speed. My husband and step-children whom I love more than anything don't follow a schedule, they are very much fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants people and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In many ways I am very envious of them. I was the oh it's 7:00 - time to get up and take the dog for his walk, 8:00 leave for work, work 8:30 to 4:30, 5:00 walk the pup, start dinner, do dishes, relax in front of the tv (or I had soccer practice, or theatre rehearal), 7 pm feed animals, 9 pm last walk for the dog, 9:30 warm bath to relax and bed 10-10:30, read my book and lights out at 11 only to start the next day all over again. Saturdays were a little more free for all (although there was a plan in place about of what I was doing the times were a little more flexible), every Sunday it was cleaning the entire apartment, with two Sundays for shopping and two for laundry which alternated weekly. It was structured and perhaps people will see it as "boring" but it worked for me. Now as I currently type this I realize several things first it's 6:43 a.m. not the 7:00 (or 7ish time I usually get up). There are dishes in the sink from last night, I won't be getting up to go to work - I am on "sick leave" for the rest of my pregnancy and I don't have a plan today. I made a list of things to get done last Friday and followed said schedule. And it felt oh so good, to have a list and know what was getting done next like visiting an old friend. It scares me a little that there will be no schedule and my somewhat controlled life and it will be even more uncontolled in a few short days. It feels somewhat selfish and wrong that I will be envious of this little life having in own schedule and I will bend to his needs and wants first.

I have always wanted to be mom, to have a created a life and bring a child up happy and healthy and I am so very excited but so very scared in the darkness of the wee hours of the morning.

There are things that I will miss about being pregnant too. I will miss feeling him move inside of me, I still marvel everytime. I will miss my pregnant belly, which again anyone who knows me this probably sounds false since I have issues with my weight but I do love sitting on the couch feeling the "roundness" of said belly or being in the in the shower and running my hands over it. I will miss that even though the first part of the blog make say the opposite, I have semi-schedule that will be once again thrown in the blender. But it's ok, it's worth it and I know that -it's what having a child and being a mom is all about.

He, much like my husband and his children, seems to be flying by the seat of his pants too and no matter what mommy control issues I have he is on his own schedule and will be coming when he feels like it (or next Saturday when I get induced) and I am ok with that because deep inside, despite any control or scheduling issues I know I have, I also know what matters, what really matters - not a schedule or a list - but a child, my child and as my good friend Rhonda said "Prepare to be Amazed" and that's better than any list I can imagine.

Thursday, May 19, 2011's been awhile

...since my last post but here it is. Spring/summer is definatly here and this is when I start loving Saint John again. The nights are warm, it's light later and you actually hear the crickets and can see lots and lots of stars when it gets darker.

This summer is going to awesome but different than any summer I have ever known. When I was 19-20 we would sit outside at the boardwalk and watch things that were going on - bands, talent shows, and Friday and Saturday night sit outside enjoying rum and cokes with occassional trip inside to dance and then it's back outside to cool off the lean against your honey - who incidentally at that time in my life - was Paul more often than not. What can I say he always had me - wish it hadn't taken me so damn long to realize it though.

Nowadays it's bonfires, bbqs and booze (in much more moderation these days). But this summer will be different. I'll miss my strawberry daquaris and will be a little further away from the bonfire smoke but it'll all be worth it because come September there will be a little life that I have been responsible the last six months now - wow - soon I'll be in my last trimester. Every time the baby moves it's miraculous, everytime it kicks I marvel, everytime Paul says he feels the baby my heart swells. The baby belly is definatly there and will only get bigger but it will be a summer I'll never forget - my baby and the love of my life - what more could a girl ask for.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Second trimester - here I come!

Well, it’s been awhile since my last post, I would like to say it’s ‘cause I’m so busy but it’s moreso Paul doesn’t like it when I am supposed to be spending “quality time” watching T.V. with him – which I do – but he gets a little irked when I am on the computer while doing so. The things you do for your spouse eh?
Well here I in the my second trimester, the first one went by fast – not that it seemed it with the morning/noon and night sickness, weird cravings and fatigue. We’ve had two ultrasounds so far and are in for a few more before it’s all over. Mostly because of my age. I’ve heard the baby’s heartbeat three times which is cool. I still marvel there is a person growing inside of me. I could look at the ultrasound pictures every day of my life (and do since they are taped to my desk).
My job will be ending is six weeks which has me in a bit of panic state since I don’t have anything to go to yet. A lot of applications but until I hear you’re hired I don’t think I breath quite so easy.
Home life is good – puppy is growing and we bought our first major baby purchase- a playpen with a bassinet in it. Paul is an awesome mate and I am happy we’re married – might be a little moreso in Ontario but I’ll be visiting when the baby comes.
That’s all for now – more pregnancy updates to follow!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

And baby makes 5 Well it's official and while we're basically keeping it hush, hush most who know about this blog know I am with child. I was "late" last month and took another test which came out negative. This month I was also late but didn't want to take the test because I thought "why bother, it's just going to be negative and I'll be sad" Well I took the test and

I was beyond excited. Everyday I marvel at a little person growing inside of me. I was sent "Reflections of Motherhood " on youtube and I thought Oh yeah that's nice - now I can't watch it without tearing up - I am excited and cannot wait until I am past my first trimester and can start yelling it from the rooftops but I also know that is probably my one and only baby and I treasure every single day of my pregnancy knowing each day is a gift and I marvel that God has given me this beautiful treasure. I want to experience everyday and not rush through this. To quote Aerosmith - I don't want to miss a thing