And baby makes 5 Well it's official and while we're basically keeping it hush, hush most who know about this blog know I am with child. I was "late" last month and took another test which came out negative. This month I was also late but didn't want to take the test because I thought "why bother, it's just going to be negative and I'll be sad" Well I took the test and

I was beyond excited. Everyday I marvel at a little person growing inside of me. I was sent "Reflections of Motherhood " on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taDqKWWPDAY and I thought Oh yeah that's nice - now I can't watch it without tearing up - I am excited and cannot wait until I am past my first trimester and can start yelling it from the rooftops but I also know that is probably my one and only baby and I treasure every single day of my pregnancy knowing each day is a gift and I marvel that God has given me this beautiful treasure. I want to experience everyday and not rush through this. To quote Aerosmith - I don't want to miss a thing

Diary of a puppy owner

We have acquired two new girl puppies (lab/shepherd cross) and I need to start training now - we are purchasing one more crate to start crate training the puppies but they need to be six months before they can be in the crate for 8 hours and these little guys are one two months but they do need to start getting used to their crates. They can make it about 8 hours at night without accidents because they are in the bathroom with a blanket, they go down about 11 and get up around 7 (which will change to 6:45 when I start work) and this will serve as a diary as well as help me figure out their schedules

So today so far was as follows:

Fizzle (F) and Nayla (N)

7am - up of puppies out - both peed and pooed

7:30 - food and water provided
-
8:00 F peed (in the house)

8:30 N (pooed in house)

9:00 - puppies napped

9:49 - F peed outside

9:58 - F peed outside and pooed; N peed

10:10 - puppied napped.

When N and F go into the dining room it is a sure-fire sign they need to go outside,

Puppies will need to be crated 4 times a day for 1/2 to 1 hour a day (when napping -3 times and during meals)

Cosmo had a panic attack today - it was standard (if you can call a panic attack standard).

We need to create a puppy room for the day when we are gone for eight hours so that will be done today. Hopefully pictures to follow.

It wasn't a trip back it was an adventure

So as we know Paul and I are married. Sunday, after the wedding, as decided we head back to NB. We left early (about 10:o0ish) and planned to drive straight through. Before we even get out of Ontario the 401 is backed up and crawl along for about FIVE hours. Apparently there was a fatal accident and we were nowhere near the next exit. So we get off the next exit and continue on. By the time we get to Quebec it's 11th at night. At this point Paul has driven for over 12 hours and we are exhausted - we also have about 10 hours of driving left. So we decided to stop for the night - we get to a Hilton Express and have some dinner

We head out the next day at noon - after an awesome breakfast and the kids get to go for a swim. So we head out the next day and the GPS seems to take us on all these back roads but Paul although concerned thought it was just because he upated the GPS. We eventually see a sign to MAINE!!!!!! At this point it's around 5 p.m. We hit the border - without passports because we never planned to go through the States. I get out to talk to the Canadian side, explain what happened, they talk to Paul, call the States side (which incidently was right across the street), we get back and explain the seriousness to the kids and that they may need to talk to the border people. Poor Caleb gets so freaked out while we are talking to the border guards, he throws up everywhere. Paul asks to get out for him and he gets Caleb out of the car who is still sick. He takes him in the bathroom, the guards talk to Cally and I get to clean the back of the car out. They pretty much at that point they just wave us through.

I didn't stop at the bathroom because I was busy. We get in the car and I realize I have puke of my jeans. We stop a few miles down, I start to go in until Paul points out the "No washroom" sign. We drive through the States, we get to a gas station to gas up, that didn't take Canadian money (really!?!?) so we have to keep going. We stop at another station to get some food and I ask if they have a washroom, the guys says yeah outside. I go outside and it's a portapotty and at that point I just don't care anymore and change. We start heading out and all day I haven't felt 100% but decide to ignore it however it is steadily getting worse. We are now ridiculously late and have to call the kids mom who lets just say wasn't very happy. Paul and I are driving and the pain is now so bad only I don't want to say anything because I don't want to scare the kids. Only at one point it's so bad I pass out. Apparently Paul was shaking me and trying to get me to wake up for 10 minutes. So much for not scaring the kids (or Paul for that matter). We get back to Canada and they wave us through. We have now driving through sun, rain, freezing rain, a ridiculous amount of fog and now snow. We get off the highway and are about 5 minutes from Heidi's house when we get pulled over for speeding. Paul explains the situation and he lets us off with a warning. We drop the kids off and head to the hospital where we are until 3 in the morning. We get home with some medicine for my stomach.

The next time - we fly.

Halloween or a makeshift thereof

Paul and I didn't get the kids for Halloween this year but we did get them pumpkins and we made "graveyard brownies". CR (the girl) didn't get to carve her's but CM did (she was at a friend's house and Paul was working and I was out when she wanted it brought to her friends house). We had hardly any kids this year which was too bad considering the junk we bought which is now presently gone - the last of the chocolate was consumed tonight. I did get a few pictures but no costume pics. Caleb apparently went as a Freddy Kruger and Jason (Friday the 13th) combo - he has the mask of Jason and the claw hand of Freddy and Cally went as a witch.

Anyway I have been told (by the mom) I no longer am allowed to post picutres of Caleb on FB but no one a said anything about here.

Not sure how to do this....

...but it seems I am doing it wrong. I try to be a good person and a good step-mom however I feel inadequate at the best of times. For example five weeks in we have been implementing a chore list. We've been gradually introducing things the kids can do for an allowance. g Dishes, vacuming, dusting, making their beds and to be consistent and fair Paula and dad have chores too. Tonight we went to see Dracula Symphony put on by Paul's school. Please don't get me started - I don't have strength unless you specifically ask me I won't bore you (or perhaps make you laugh). As a side note I would like to point out I am not allowed to make my true opinion known because Paul has to work with this man - however I think as a creative person I would WANT to know and not just be pandered to. As an actress tell what I did well and tell me where I can improve - if you are paying to see a production you should feel you got your money worth and if you don't tell me how to fix it so that you do come back and you are entertained because otherwise I'll be playing to an empty audience and that's no fun.

As always - I digress. My step daughter has dishes to do - not even every night, every second night at that. And she only has to wash them I dry and then every other night I wash and my step son dries. So tonight she had a friend over and requested that the dishes get left until after the play so I said sure but inside my OCD head was whispering "No do them now." So we went to Dracula and then came home to drop the kids off because we (and by we I mean Paul because he made the decision for me) that we were heading over to a friend's place to watch a new tv series about zombies. I have zero interest but went because Paul insisted "everybody" was going to be there so I arrive and not one wife or girlfriend is to be seen. I was pissed but didn't say anything. I was more pissed because apparently Paul was told this but forgot - but that is a whole other post. We left here at nine and got back at eleven - took the dog out for a quick pee come in and walk into the kitchen...I know see where I am going with this. I was furious. Now let me explain my fury as I left I said to "C I want those dishes done before we get home" not only are they not done but she's asleep which means she had no intention of doing them and if anyone knows me they know I physically cannot go to bed with dirty dishes it's a sickness I wish I could but I'd be up all night tossing and turning about it.

I don't know what to do - I don't know how to enforce rules that weren't in place after the breakup but I do know, I can't live like this. I headed downstairs and I see an empty bag of chips and a empty juice can and someone has moved a chair (which I hate). I feel like a maid sometimes, the house is freakin' disaster. Nothing was out of place in my apartment and I cleaned every week because it was my mess but now I have three other people who either can't or won't and all I am trying to enlist some help but none of them seem to want to. I actually got flak because dinner took so long the other night. I have been working full days and the last thing I want to do is come home and make dinner but I do it - what I don't need is getting told that I am taking too long.

Anyway this post is loooong overdue and holds a whole lot of venting but I need to do this I need to get it all out but what I especially need is advice 'cause obviously I'm not doing it right.

20 days to go

In 20 days and I will be Mrs. Collrin. Can't wait to be Paul's wife.

Things I am learning about myself

I am not a stay at home kinda person - I tried it for about two weeks. Paul and I had made an executive decision to cancel cable because we can download (or buy) anything we want to watch so while I don't sit around watching TV all day however I can only clean so much and although I still have a bunch of boxes to unpack but I have the whole weekend without Paul - who is working at the zoo - anyway I digress. I had an interview with Kelly Services today and I kicked some legal secretarial test ass and will be hopefully working soon.

I don't like this weather. I have been spoiled by Ontario weather - I am cold ALL THE TIME! I had a hot bath to take the chill out of my bones tonight I was freezing when I went to bed last nigh. When I woke up this morning, at Kelly Services, at Boston Pizza tonight. Apparently .I lived her for many, many years I forgot how cold it gets. I am currently in my winter flannel jammies with thick socks on.

On the motherhood side I learned that just because your fiance says he's taking his nine year old son home does not mean he won't forget his bookbag and come back. It also means I should not have an open door hot bath especially since the front door looks right into the bathroom -all I can say is thank God for shower curtains.

I am crazy in love with my animals and know now why that people who have animals live longer and less stressfully. Pepper and Cosmo have made this transition easy. Yes I said it... my animals. I have a sleeping puppy to my left and a sleeping (and snoring) kitty behinde on the couch. Paul is at the gym and it's one of those peaceful nights that I just love. I enjoy staying at home at night on the couch and just being by myself.

I am right - a lot of the time. And while this shouldn't be a big deal it is. Because mostly I was wrong no, not mostly but all the time when I was with Joe - I was constantly wrong - even when I wasn't and Paul lets me know that I am right and tells me I am and it does wonders for my self esteem and my self worth and that is one of the many many reasons I am in love with him because he's okay with being wrong and letting me be right even about trivial little things.

So while this move was big and scary it helps me learn some new things about myself and all in all that a very good thing indeed.